Things I have done..

I have cried, sobbed, and shreiked in pain.

I have jumped, not knowing what was going to happen, freely.

I have jumped off waterfalls and bridges alike.

I have been strong, a shoulder to cry on.

I have been strong to hold a pyramid up.

I have cheered for multiple teams.

I have practiced my high kick till I thought I was going to faint from all the jumping.

I have cheered people up.

I have turned friends into family.

I have turned memories into script.

I have etched memories into my brain so that there were no possible way to forget them.

I have hidden these etched memories so that I may stop hurting.

I have drowned, a hurt so bad that this is the only way I can explain it.

I have had my heart truly murdered, shredded and tossed.

I have been in like.

I have been in love.

I have been crazy in love.

I have been picking up the pieces and finding that only me and time can attempt to heal my shattered heart.

I have made life a project.

I have communicated.

I have been jealous.

I have been a tease.

I have been a jerk.

I have been sorry.

I have made stupid/bad decisions.

I have had to redirect my path.

I have been funny.

I have been charming.

I have been lovable.

I have been driven.

I have had extreme loved ones die, (at the time) before I thought they should have.

I have loved.

I have a best friend from the eternities.

I have a best friend or two.

I have had a bunch of different people come into my life and go out, but always remembered.

I have sang.

I have laughed.

I have attempted cartwheeling.

I have been a part of something bigger than myself.

I have done so much already, yet this is only a few. If I had to sum it up I would have to say that:

I have lived.

Okay well. You may not look at this anymore, that is okay.  Haha.. I guess playing hard to get isn't my thing. I really miss you. It is so hard to break my habit of telling you that I miss you, I love you, or some other cheesy, yet true, statement every night before I go to bed.  I always wonder if you are thinking of me when I am thinking of you.  Like remember when I would be just about to call you and you would call.. that kind of stuff is so weird! I miss my best friend. Don't put that stupid guard up.. I like your natural personality... I don't even know what to call it other than a guard, it is like you just get so hard.. and... I just can't find the words to explain it. It just so isn't you, or the you that you have shown me. I totally get this. And even though like I may not want it, I feel our relationship as one person to another is sooo tight that like I get it.. kind of like the phone call thing or like how even though I used to be like insecure via text I never actually worried that you wouldn't love me anymore, just maybe love someone else more than me, and that is totally possible, it still is.  But then again, I guess I was surprised that you never worried about that happening to you, me falling hard for another bloake. I always tried to make it so you never had any reason not to trust me.  I am glad we are still friends. I am not going to lie, I don't want to go a day with out talking.. even though it will happen, I just don't want it to.  You are my best friend.  Just like Becca, eventually it will come to a point where I am okay to not talk to you everyday because I will know that you will talk to me.. I guess I just need to give you the opportunity to be the one to not just be polite but actually want to talk to me.  You may never read this.. that my friend.. will be okay. I will be okay.  My heart will heal and maybe even be mended by another's. It is going to be alright. I just pray you will be a/my friend.

Pick One.

sooo what is love anyway?

a song that makes your heart feel like flying?

a boy who gives you butterflies? or make your heart skip a beat?

a reaction to being with someone who you want to spend the forevers with?

a statement that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

or

is it simply a broken heart that has been finally mended by the tears, smile, and laughter of that one person who you trust the most?

well,

I think it is all of the above.

but what happens when 

your heart tries to fly it falls?

that boy who gave you butterflies stomped all of those butters dead?

or made your heart not skip a beat but stop beating?

that wanting to spend the forevers is not reciprocated?

or

it is that mending being torn apart by that same person you trust most?

I guess that is one of two things:

death

or

a broken heart

How funny, that those two feel so much alike.

so now,

 pick one.